


Criminal deals are best made on a full stomach

by Marudny_Robot



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Assasin Trio, Attempt at Humor, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Mild Language, Not Beta Read, dinner run by assasins, when you show your family that good food place you love but they don't share your sentiment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25960012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marudny_Robot/pseuds/Marudny_Robot
Summary: Tim and Tam have this favourite dinner they like to come to for lunch.Bruce Wayne doesn't share their sentiment for certain obvious reasons.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Owens & Zeddmore Washington & Prudence Wood, Tim Drake & Tam Fox, Tim Drake & Tam Fox & Prudence Wood
Comments: 15
Kudos: 180





	Criminal deals are best made on a full stomach

**Author's Note:**

> last prompt from silverrosie on tumblr! Prompt was: “I’d kill for a coffee…literally.” and I remembered that random plot I had and shared on C&C discord.  
> So, I used both!  
> Tam's war with Oswald "Penguin" Cobblepot is based on another convo, also on Capes & Coffee discord.  
> Hope you will have fun reading!

“...I’d kill for a coffee…literally”

Pru wrote Tam’s order down. “That would be all?”

“I still don’t understand why would you name a coffee order like that,” Tim commented, because Tim _didn’t_ _really_ _care_ that he was critiquing assassins to their face.

Tam was at least thankful that Prudence was the one who took their order. Prudence _tolerated he_ _r_ (at least she hoped so).

“I don’t fucking know either? Ask Z.”

“ _Z was_ naming those coffees? I would guess _Owens_ or _you, but Z?!_ ”

Tam would have guessed that Pru would shot Tim a murderous look. However, she could only see very dangerous grin on her face.

“You wanna tell him yourself?” she asked and Tam _swore_ , her tone wasn’t saying anything good.

Tim also saw what she has seen (Tam was, like, 90% sure). However, as the adrenaline junkie she long time ago learned he was, he was ignoring all of this.

“Yeah,” he replied bluntly. “I want to ask him. Tell him to-”

“ _Absolutely, NO_ ”

Bruce Wayne spoke for the first time, making rest of them turn to him in surprise. Tam almost forgotten he went with them. Tim definitely did.

Mr Wayne turned to Prudence. He was smiling and trying to look nonthreatening for the public, but it looked _so wrong_. His _Brucie_ persona was cracking and in that gaze anyone could have clearly see Batman glaring at their server.

In the end, his face looked horrifying in all different ways and Tam couldn’t stop looking at it.

“That would be all, thank you,” he replied politely through clenched teeth.

Pru huffed, but went to make their order.

“ _Why did you stop me, B?!_ They clearly need some advice on how to run their business! Have you see how they titled other food orders? I appreciate some originality, but those sound kind of stupid-”

Tam clearly saw the vein pulsing on Mr Wayne’s forehead.

Tim may have not.

“-I mean, look at that! Do you know how baked salmon is called here? _‘swimming with the fishes_ ’. It sounds like they are trying too hard for the killing theme-”

“ _Tim_ ,” Mr Wayne’s deep voice stopped her other boss from talking

“ _Could you enlighten me, why_ you brought us all here for lunch?”

He motioned at their trio.

Tim was apparently keen on not addressing the elephant in the room – namely that all the workers in the diner were affiliated one way or another with League of Shadows.

“It’s a damn good diner,” he replied to his father, as if it was obvious answer. “We both eat here regularly, and even order take out sometimes from here.”

With how everyone around them was listening to their conversation, Tam expected the last part to be… _a little_ _controversial_.

“ _You can order take out_ _from_ _here?!_ ”

“ _How_ ”

“ _Damn fucking Wayne and his fucking contacts with the fucki-_ ”

“ _The fuck he pays them to let him have takeout-_ ”

“ _When I tried to order from here they told me to_ _shove it up my-_ ”

“ _They told me the only take-out they would do is taking me out. ME. I’m the fucking Falcon_ _e_ _and they dare-_ ”

Tim didn’t react at the outburst around them, caught in the glaring match with his father.

Mr Wayne also seemed unmoved by this, but Tam could see his brows be more pinched.

Tam decided to ignore them, because – as she learned with time – glaring matches between Wayne Family members tend to take lots of time.

She looked around, having nothing better to do while waiting for their lunch. Quick glance around other patriarchs showed her that the diner’s clientele didn’t change that much. She still could recognize children and cousins from more and less prominent crimes families of Gotham. Few, as she was told, freelanced as mercenaries. Some she recognized as typical grunts, who changed their employers every few months or so (at least that’s what Tim and Cass said about them).

It was only the three of them who stood out from the rest of this diner’s clients.

 _Well_ , it was actually _Brucie Wayne_. Tim and Tam were regulars here, which started a new batch of rumors regarding them.

There were also few people working for Penguin – Tam recognized that bunch, considering how often she saw them on surveillance (provided by Tim and Oracle) distributing _‘penguin’_ _chocolate_ _bars_.

She frowned, wondering what they were talking by their table. After all, after her latest campaign ‘ _t_ _imtam_ ’ chocolate bars became most popular snack in Gotham by at least twenty percent according to their latest poll, and – what’s more important – they were ahead of ‘ _penguins’_.

So, it was important to know what was Oswald planning now.

“You know, poisoningthem would cost you extra. Give you menu with our latest poisonoffers?”

“What?” Tam blinked, surprised and abruptly taken from her thoughts.

“Poison?” Prudence repeated, putting their coffees on the table.

Her first instinct was to be affronted at Pru’s suggestion. But short moment later, she reminded herself where she currently was and who was listening. Plus all those rumors about her and Tim’s involvement in criminal activity sometimes had some merit…

Hmm...Maybe some laxatives wouldn’t be so bad...

“TAMARA FOX! Don’t you dare!”

Tam jumped in fright. She looked at Mr Wayne only to see full intensity of Batman’s glare on her and Tim laughing at her besides him.

Her boss was such a jerk! Both of them!

She quickly composed herself.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, Mr Wayne,” she replied with calmness only long hours with old white male executives could have prepared her for. Then, replying to waiting Pru “Thank you, but I won’t be needing this menu.”

Prudence snorted, also laughing at her predicament (and Tam would have later words with her, _she swears_ ), but nodded and went back to the kitchen.

Tam ignored Mr Wayne for little longer, in favor to berate Mr Drake-Wayne.

“And you! Stop laughing, or I’ll tell what you used your gift card for!”

Tim immediately stopped. And blanched.

Mr Wayne looked between two of them, before asking in a very tired voice “Do I want to know?”

Tim and Tam both looked at him, then at themselves, both stubbornly silent.

It was easy to see on Mr Wayne’s face that this silence wasn’t saying anything good to him. He was about to interrogate the answer from them, when suddenly Z came with their food.

They stopped talking, letting Z put the food on their table. Reflexively Tam and Tim thanked him, but Mr Wayne only glared suspiciously at Z.

Before going back, Z turned to Timothy and asked.

“Master wanted me to ask you if you have considered his offer?”

Mr Wayne turned so rapidly towards his son, Tam was worried his head would fall of.

“ _Tim!”_

“Yeah, I considered,” replied Tim calmly after taking a bite and swallowing. “And I still say ‘no’.”

“You sure?” Z asked once more, although he knew what the answer would be.

“Yeah”

Z shrugged.

“Was worth trying, anyway. Something else before I go? Miss Fox, so you wish to see-”

Tam looked one last time at Mr Wayne. There was barely nothing that could resemble Brucie when looking at Mr Wayne at this point. It was clear, that their diner suggestion today might be the worst thing Tim and her did today.

And there was also a chance they would not see this diner anymore after today. Not with Batman visiting it later.

Tam, not planning on this place being gone and wanting to preserve her hot spot for latest gossip about Cobblepot’s moves, decided to do everything in her power to calm down Mr Wayne’s wrath.

Starting with showing that she actually had some common sense.

“Thank you, but the poisons menu won’t be needed.”


End file.
